


Stuffed

by Diaphenia



Category: Veep
Genre: Colbert Report References, Gen, Office, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 09:59:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2503736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaphenia/pseuds/Diaphenia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It shouldn't be that fucking hard to stop swearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuffed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/gifts).



> Tish prompted "Swear jar." Happy Halloween!

_“And that brings us to tonight’s Word, and that word is “mother—.”_

“Turn that fucking TV off,” Dan said, wishing he could throw something at it. 

“The jar—” Gary winced. 

He glared. The TV kept going. “ _Mother—” is what the president’s men said in front of a school full of children—_ ” The audience, probably all from Iowa, laughed. 

Dan stuffed his dollar into the fucking jar. 

“This is why we— _Selina_ — wanted to institute the swear jar.”

“If they wanted Sesame Street they should’ve called Big Bird,” Amy said, barely breaking her stride. 

The suit on the TV was still talking. _Meanwhile, the president is engaged in drone warfare, from which other small children are not exempt, so maybe those kids at PS 193 are lucky—_.

“Come on, I can’t be the only one putting money in this fucking thing,” Dan said, stuffing another dollar in. 

“Clearly you just don’t know how to talk,” Jonah said. “We’re not all like you, Dan, some of us know _decorum_ , that’s french for _how to talk in public to children_ —”

“Like you’re allowed within five hundred fucking feet of a school,” Dan said, dollar already out. “No one let you near kids even when you were one, and I’m not talking about the adults, I’m talking about the kids that wouldn’t invite kid-you to birthday party if you were the bouncy castle.”

Jonah scoffed. “I was invited to all the parties, and if I wasn’t my mom took me to the movies and she let me get the extra-large popcorn AND extra butter.” 

“And then he used the butter grease to jerk off which explains why he’s also not allowed within five hundred feet of a Red Lobster,” Amy said. 

Gary said, “Amy, I think you have to—”

Amy rolled her eyes. “I’m not putting money in that thing! _Jerk off_ is both a verb and Jonah’s Friday night plans for the next year.”

“And the past seventeen years,” Dan said. When Amy didn’t return his smirk, he simply pretended he hadn’t offered her one.

“Please, I’m batting away chicks,” Jonah said. “I’m dick-deep in them all day every day.”

Dan paused. “Ok, I’m just gonna stick $40 in here to fucking— that’s $1— cover my ass— that’s $2— for the next, oh, thirteen minutes or so, as long as this _fucking fucker_ — that’s four— is in the room. Because by then surely this asshole will be dick-deep back in his mother’s womb where he belongs.”

Amy smiled at him, for the first time since maybe ever. “Throw in another $20 for me, and let’s do this.”


End file.
